Why Does It Feel Like the Other Shoe is About to Drop?

Why does joy feel so feeble and struggle more constant?

Why does happiness feel awkward, strange, alien, and uncomfortable?

Have you ever wondered why these feelings persist, even when everything seems to be going well?

If you’ve asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone. Many people experience this pervasive sense of unease, often described as “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

This sensation can be rooted in trauma, anxiety, or chronic stress, making it difficult to fully embrace positive moments in life.

The Lingering Shadow of Trauma

Trauma has a way of embedding itself deep within us, altering how we perceive and react to the world. As Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma expert, states, “Trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it’s also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body.”

The mind becomes conditioned to anticipate danger, even when none is present. This hypervigilance can make happiness feel fleeting and undeserved, as if it’s merely a temporary reprieve before something bad happens.

For those who have experienced trauma, joy can feel foreign and uncomfortable. The brain becomes accustomed to stress, anxiety, and survival mode, making it challenging to relax and enjoy peaceful moments.

According to van der Kolk, “The body keeps the score,” meaning that our bodies hold onto trauma long after the event has passed. This is why, even in moments of calm, the body might still be on high alert, making it difficult to feel safe in happiness.

Breaking the Cycle

Understanding why happiness feels uncomfortable is the first step in breaking the cycle. The good news is that there are several activities and practices that can help retrain your mind and body to feel more at ease with joy.

1. Therapy: Speaking with a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial in processing trauma and learning how to accept joy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for instance, can help reframe negative thought patterns and reduce the anticipation of catastrophe. Many therapists offer sliding scale fees based on income, making therapy more accessible.
2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help ground you in the present moment, reducing the tendency to ruminate on past traumas or future anxieties. As Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer of mindfulness-based stress reduction, says, “Mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” Regular meditation can help retrain your brain to find peace in the present, rather than constantly scanning for threats.
3. Physical Activity: Exercise is a powerful tool for reducing stress and improving mood. Engaging in regular physical activity, such as yoga, walking, or swimming, can help release built-up tension in the body and promote a sense of well-being. Physical activity releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters.
4. Creative Expression: Art, writing, and music can be therapeutic outlets for processing emotions. Creating something meaningful can help shift your focus from fear and anxiety to joy and fulfillment.

Moving Forward with Compassion

If happiness feels uncomfortable, it’s important to be gentle with yourself. Healing from trauma is a journey, and it’s okay if joy doesn’t come easily at first. As you engage in therapy, mindfulness, physical activity, or creative expression, remember that you are re-teaching your brain and body to feel safe in joy. With time and patience, you can begin to experience happiness not as something strange or alien, but as something you fully deserve.